About being random and crazy

When was the last time you struck a deal with God? Or may be a challenge? If Tendulkar hits a six of the next ball, then India will definitely lose this match. (Of course whenever the bet was on, Tendulkar always managed to either tap it to the on-side for a harmless single or just miss the line, play all over the ball and get bowled) Which is why today I was on the doorstep of atheism when Sri Lanka almost snatched a victory contrary to the divine judgement. But thankfully, the Lankans choked, no further records were created (Highest chase, highest chase against India, highest chase in India, highest chase in India against India and all the other permutations and combinations!) and I continue to roam the "no man's land" separating the agnostics from the true believers

Which got me thinking - when I speak to God, I do the voiceover for God as well (Hangover of the advertising industry) For example:
ME: Oh Lord Tirupathi Balaji, will I be a successful writer?
GOD: Oh yes, you will be. But I cannot say whether it will happen during your lifetime or posthumously.
ME: Ah.. come on!!
GOD: You should have framed your question better. After all, you're an IIM grad. Gotcha! :D

Yes, my conversations with God can be really weird. The conditions and constraints that exist during my conversations with God are as follows:
1. We decide on the number of questions that can be asked. Yes, there is negotiation involved.
2. Each one of us needs to be very careful while laying the condition on which the bet would revolve. Because loopholes, however silly, can be used to advantage.
3. Neither of the voices are squeaky, shrill or high-pitched (All these conversations are held in a virtual, concealed environment called the human mind)
4. If both sides find out loopholes in each other's arguments, then the bets are off.
Yes, I'm a lot like JD from Scrubs. I live in a world of my own.

Anyhoo, this brings me to a more important question - is this condition something common? Do any of you guys suffer from this or is it something like Progenia (one in a zillion kids!) The stupid thing is - I know that it is me who is pretending to be the voice of God (Yes, I know oo stupid conscience of mine! You're a wolf in a sheep's clothing!) And still, I choose to argue with it as if it were really pertinent. There is a difference between wrestling with your conscience and deifying it while challenging and placing counter arguments.

I guess I am just another nutcase with nothing better to do.

The Littler Master

If there is one thing that can help me write tons of posts, that would be my ability to feel nostalgic at the drop of a hat. That, combined with my natural talent to suck at cricket, would form the crux of this post.

Nostalgia is one emotion that has helped me maintain my sanity and optimism. As for my cricketing abilities, I was not always a loser. There was a time when I was quite gifted (primarily due to my fertile imagination) When I was five, I realized that I could snatch victory from the jaws of defeat by scoring 21 runs from 3 deliveries thus winning the man of the match and helping India reach the finals of the World Cup. Later that week, I discovered much to my amazement that I had just taken seven wickets in an over against Pakistan in the World Cup Finals when they were coasting along with a required run rate of 3 per over. No, I did not bowl a no-ball. I completed a caught & bowled dismissal while simultaneously running the non-striker out. Thus did I achieve the first twin dismissal in the history of cricket. Thus did India win the '92 World Cup and I, the man of the series.

However, with time, I lost my innocence as I learnt the rules of the game - the stringent rules which shackled my imagination from pulling off some incredible victories. Thus ended the first golden era in my cricketing career. Though it was short-lived, I had made a name for myself as the genius all-rounder from the streets of Dombivali who could make Imran Khan shit in his pants. My focus also gradually shifted from becoming the next Kapil Dev to the next Sachin Tendulkar. After every Indian victory, I'd ask my mother if it would be alright for me to become a cricketer. She'd smile back and ask me to finish my homework first. This is where part-I concludes. Find below the career statistics of this boy wonder unearthed from old issues of Wisden and the by-now-erased files of cricinfo.com.

Full Name: Srinivasan Sampathkumar
Born: July 13th, 1986
Current Age: 23 years 141 days
Major Teams: India, West Zone, Mumbai, Dombivali (W)
Batting Style: Right-hand bat
Bowling Style: Right-arm fast, Right-arm medium, Right-arm off-break, Right-arm leg break

Batting and fielding averages (1992-94)
(Read as Matches, Innings, Not Outs, Runs scored, Highest Score, Average, Balls Faced, Strike Rate, Number of 100s and 50s)
Tests 13 17 5 2143 247 178.6 1644 130.35 8 1
ODIs 27 27 9 1721 146* 95.61 923 186.46 9 5
First-class 2 2 2 346 257* -- 149 232.22 2 0

Bowling averages (1992-94)
(Read as Matches, Innings, Balls Bowled, Runs Conceded, Wickets, Best figures - innings, Best figures - match, Average, Economy, Strike Rate)
Tests 13 21 1075 394 99 8/4 16/29 3.98 2.2 10.85
ODIs 27 12 372 92 89 6/1 6/1 1.03 1.48 4.18
First-class 2 - - - - - - - - -

Confession

Hello folks,

My name is ***** and I am 6'2" tall. I weigh an unhealthy 58 kilos and am pale in complexion. I think we'll skip the rest of the intro and get straight to the point. In fact, I think we'll take a small detour to grab a pinch of salt before we begin. Yeah, you can take some cinnamon and pepper as well! Now.. to the point.

I think it all started after I completed my first year of engineering. Yeah.. I think that would be it. I had come home for a vacation. And that was the first time I had heard it. Of course, it was a passing mention and I did not pay much heed to it. But since then I've heard it a million times. And frankly, I was getting tired of it. Of what, you may ask. Of comments on my height! Ah.. he has grown really tall.. has he grown taller since the last time I saw him? You saw me yesterday, Aunt Rachel! (Of course the name has been changed!) My neck hurts looking at him. And the worst one - oh gosh! he gives me a complex! Never ever stand next to me, you hear that? followed by a hysterical hyena laugh. (Hyena laugh, in this context, is the laughing equivalent to crocodile tears) Yeah.. so I guess you got the point. I was getting tired of all these comments. Until recently, that is.

Yes, it happened. I looked over my shoulder and found someone taller than me. Its not like I've never seen people taller than me. But this one was particularly tall and he came and stood next to me. I dont know what happened but I was overcome by this enormous feeling to kick this guy in his gut. He was really imposing and intimidating! I was like, Seriously! Is it even legal to be so tall?! And that was when I realised how you all might have felt when you cracked all those comments about my height. I apologise for not having respected your feelings (and your height.)
I also thank you for not kicking me in the gut.

Yours sincerely,
*****

PS: Yes, a very lame attempt at getting back to blogging but an attempt nevertheless!
PS1: If you've made it this far, drop a comment. I'm sure you'll have something to say about the prevailing Maoist situation in the country.
PS2: I've seen traffic being diverted from Halley's blog to mine in the past. It must be the communists! :P

The comeback a la Ajith Agarkar's!

And I have returned to the city of dreams - Mumbai. For the uninformed, I have joined an ad-production company Lighthouse Productions. The package is pretty decent but the work - gosh! Its quite hectic but very exciting and interesting. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined of working for such an organization after graduating from an IIM! I'd always wanted to do something different and recession offered me the perfect excuse to try something like this..

But the best part about this job is there is no monotony. Zilch! One day you're scouting for locations for a fashion magazine shoot with Arjun Rampal whereas the next day, you're working on the execution of an ad campaign for an international brand apparel (its all hush-hush here.. no names) Of course there is that occasional trip to the police station to settle a
difference of opinion :P Yes, we were taken to a police station in a police jeep! Gave me an adrenaline rush! :D And I must say that these police jeeps are spacious and very airy.

Now that I've explained my absence from blogosphere (in very vague terms) lets move on. To the city of dreams - Mumbai. Mumbai is a completely different experience. The city is cramped for space. Be it buses, trains, footpaths or the lanes - you'd feel suffocated because there are people everywhere! (quite contrary to Calicut) And it's not exactly a good thing for someone with big feet. The city looks like Santa Claus's toy factory just before Christmas.

In spite of all this, you cant help falling in love with the city. Most of the people here are friendly.. of course there is that rare bus conductor who scowls at the odd non-marathi passenger or the ghutka chewing bhaiyya who insists on spitting when he is in the vicinity of humans. But again those are just exceptions. People usually are very helpful though they might not exactly sound polite.

As far as the local trains are concerned, they continue to fascinate me. There is the young college going chap with a spiky hairdo who assumes he is the RJ of the compartment. Then there is the guy from South in his early thirties who is yelling at his sub-ordinates in marathi for not reaching the office on time. And one can hardly forget the bunch of Gujarathi middle-aged men who love talking about everything - from the fake ipl blogger and the slumdog fiasco to the latest voteout in Roadies and the rising stock market.

It is difficult to miss the diversity that the city offers. The roads leading to the Dadar station are decorated with posters of movies like Jaani, Daata and Dashavatar - all dubbed-into-Hindi movies starring Mahesh Babu, NTR Jr. and Kamal Haasan respectively. Then of course there is the irony - a sly paan shop located right next to a Globus mall; an executive and a dabbawallah waiting for the same 10:19 ki tez local.

As I said earlier, one cant help falling in love with this city.

The year that was - 2008

Before I begin, I wish you all a very happy new year. Hope this year brings out the worst in you! Yes, I am not in a good mood - bad time to be blogging, eh? This post will be answering the FAQs that have been put to me.

Song currently listening to: Bohemian Rhapsody

So what have you been doing lately?
Apart from worrying about the recession, quite a lot. I hit a creative purple patch a couple of weeks back and since then, have written some interesting stuff. I must say that I have grown to like what I wrote - grown is the word to be emphasized here. And fortunately (or otherwise) I have decided not to put it up on the public domain. That is primarily because when I blog I want some feedback and no one bothers giving me one. So if you're really jobless, AND have been having a bad day, ping me and I'd gladly send you across something.

Song currently listening to: Radha kaise na jale, Lagaan

How did you celebrate the new year?
Well, thankfully my friends have similar views on new year - its overhyped! However, we had a couple of days off and we decided to go to Ooty. On bikes! So we rode 200 km across the border (TN - Kerala border) and trust me, it was lot of fun! (Too many exclamation marks!!) The roads, the sceneries, the cool fresh air - it was a welcome break from the usual. Ooty was freezing cold though. The place is really beautiful but there were hardly any beautiful tourists (if you know what I mean) All we could bump into, were families with troublesome kids. So much for a vacation!

So as I was telling, the place was frikkin cold. Hence we decided to stay indoors once the clock struck nine. Armed with chips, home-made chocolates and a lot of time to kill, we began playing cards. And it was refreshing to be away from laptops, cell phones and still have fun. At the stroke of midnight, when everyone around the world is usually busy brushing up their arithmetic skills (thanks to the overhyped countdown) we were happily peeking at each others' cards and swearing at the top of our voices. We did realise after fifteen minutes that it was past twelve and wished each other.

Thanks to the trip, I have a copper tan. After all, we did drive for almost 10 hours in the sun! Many have expressed their liking for it (some have feigned - dont you think you can fool me! :P) I, on the other hand, am trying to ignore it. Today morning when I woke up to go brush, I freaked out at what I saw in the mirror. I guess that explains everything. It doesn't? Then you need to infer, my dear friend.

Song currently listening to: Wind of Change, Scorpions

So how was the year 2008?
Year 2008 was a lot like a well made movie - exciting and depressing in parts with a lot of fun and frolic. This year will be remembered as the year when I had to deal with the loss of two people whom I knew. I think this year has been phenomenal because I've got to know myself better. This shall also be the year when the Aussies got their asses whooped! woo hoo! On the personal front, I was involved in some exciting stuff. Hopefully things will just get bigger and better.

Any new year resolutions?
hmm.. I need to accomplish something to satisfy my ego. Yes, I do have a hugely neglected egoist curled up in some deep corner of my heart. And no, its not a 20 lpa job that I am looking for. I want something which will go down as a milestone in my life. Something which I can look back and reminisce fondly.

Song currently listening to: Careless Whisper

And the most frequently asked question is *drumrolls*

When are your placements starting?
I've got some people asking me this question once every fortnight. And I have, kindly, told them repeatedly that it begins in March. Even my folks dont hound me like this! Next time I hear the question from any of you, I will have a simple two word answer - Fuck you. Of course, I'd tell it politely :) And stop linking it with recession. Its tiresome to answer it again and again. If you want a weekly update, use google!

Some of the questions mentioned above are the ones which I ask myself frequently. So technically, they still are FAQs! ;)

Have a great year. Peace out.

Do you believe in ghosts?

It was one of those phases of my life when I turned into an atheist. I think everyone goes through this phase when you stop believing in God. Or may be, believing in God is a phase. Either ways, the concept of God is a very interesting one. It is completely irrational to some and yet comforting to others. I think God was invented to maintain law and order in the society, to instill fear (and not hope as many would like to believe) in people's minds and hearts. But with time, things have changed. Fear turned into faith, and now into superstition. Today, people are self-proclaimed atheists. And they're proud of it. They think being an atheist is cool. You cannot completely disagree with them now, can you?

Entering adolescence, my faith in God began to fizzle away. But when it came to ghosts, I must confess, I never not believed in ghosts. When I was six, I listened to my first ever ghost story. The bravest kid in our building, who strangely seemed to have such stories in abundance, narrated the chilling story. It was about the lady who was burnt to death with her family. It was rumoured that the lady used to go on strolls around our buildings in the middle of the night with her kids. All my friends confessed to having heard sounds of anklets around midnight.

A chill crept down my spine as I climbed the narrow, deserted steps leading to our second floor apartment. I wanted to run, but I managed to keep my composure and walked home safely. I complimented myself on the kind of bravery I exhibited as I repeatedly told myself that ghosts did not exist.

I still remember that night. I had a hard time sleeping. Whenever I closed my eyes, I'd see skulls on dark backgrounds with glowing eyes. It doesnt sound scary but trust me, as a six year old, I found it really scary. That was when I put the habit of sleeping in foetal position.

Anyhoo, the next morning, my mom asked me not to listen to any more ghost stories. For once, I agreed with her. But when you're with your friends, you want to act all brave. And so did I. (And I suspect, so did my friends) We all gathered around him and pestered him to narrate another one of those stories hoping against hope that he'd refuse. But we were all in for a nightmare. In my case, two. (You can read the story that he narrated at the end of the post.)

But with time, we became harder to scare. Slowly but surely, we began hearing more and more such stories. And although I admit to have seen misty images of dead people, (mostly the people I love) I still believe that the entire experience has made me braver. So, when there is a power cut, I can still find my way in the house for a glass of water. I can still wake up in the middle of the night to take a leak. But more importantly, I think it has shaped my abilities to narrate interesting stories and exaggerate them. (Trust me, I was a boring kid)

Off the record, I am a favourite with my younger cousins for my story telling abilities. Reminds me of the brave kid in our building. I guess he was not that brave after all.

Quote of the day:

Of all ghosts, the ghosts of our old loves are the worst.

Arthur Conan Doyle

The story

A bunch of fourth standard students were to go for a picnic. They had all gathered in the school terrace before they were supposed to board the bus to a planetarium. The bus came and all the kids boarded the bus. Except two. When the teachers realised the goof-up, they rushed back to the school only to find the kids lying on the school ground, dead. When the classes commenced, one could still hear sounds of someone playing with skipping rope on the terrace. tak tak tak tak...

Dada - the skipper!

It was July 13, 2002, Natwest series final - India vs. England. I remember it so vividly not only because India had pulled off one of the most sensational run chases but also because I turned 16 that day. My father, who idolised Sachin's humility, Dravid's discipline and Kumble's gentlemanly conduct despised Ganguly for his unabashed arrogance. Fed on a regular diet of down-to-earth cricketing idols, he could never come to terms with Dada's pride and aggression.

Coming back to the final, India had lost the preceding nine consecutive finals and were well set to lose the tenth one. Nasser Hussain scored a century and pointed to his shirt while gesturing to the press box. My dad spoke about the skipper leading from the front. We had to chase a huge record total of 326. In those days, 326 was almost impossible (Now even Bangladesh can score that) And when we began our run chase, we faltered. When Sachin was cleaned up by Giles and the scorecard read 146/5, my father switched off the television set and began to mourn. (My father and I are hardcore Sachin fans) As for me, it was my birthday and I switched it back on praying for a birthday miracle.

As the chase gathered momentum, dad returned and we both were glued to the TV set until Zaheer and Kaif scampered for the winning runs from the overthrow with an ecstatic Ravi Shastri shouting in the commentary box, "India have created history here." And then they showed Dada. There he was - brash, proud, waving his shirt wildly yelling at the top of his lungs. My lipreading skills told me that I should be looking anywhere but the screen. You see, I did not want my parents to know that I'd learnt new vocabulary. When I turned to my dad, the look on his face said it all. It was a look of joy.. admiration.. pride!

And then it struck me. Of course, he'd never want his son to idolise someone who yells 'fuck' from the Lord's balcony after a victory. But he sure admired him for his aggression and arrogance.. the way he inspired and marshalled his troops.. the way he led from the front.. But he never showed his admiration. Neither did I.

Dada stood for everything which a middle-class Indian would not want to see in his son - he was a rebel who defied every norm. When he was made the skipper, he injected the Indian team with loads of enthusiasm and self-belief. Fearlessness and team effort were the mantras and the media, noticing the changes, coined the term Team India. Team India captured the nation's imagination with our aggressive attitude. Suddenly, cricket was no longer a gentleman's game. May be that is why, although we had some new found admiration for the Prince of Calcutta, our loyalties were unmoved.

That night, after the presentation ceremony, I took a playful jab at my dad, "He's not a bad captain after all." My dad's reply was an expected one, "Well, if he could be less arrogant, he'd go on to become a great captain."

Dad, if he could be less arrogant, he wouldn't be Sourav Chandidas Ganguly. Sensational, dramatic and yes, arrogant. Hats off, Dada!

"I dont know whether one duck made my career more dramatic. It was dramatic in any case."
Sourav Ganguly on what his last Test innings signified

Not even a quantum of solace *no spoilers*

DISCLAIMER: This post may contain little description of the movie. Hence, if you've watched the movie, then you can afford to read the rest of the post. However.. and this is a big however, if you've not watched the movie yet, then I'd strongly recommend you to read the rest of the post and then take a wise, life-changing decision of whether you want to watch the movie or not. Amen.

So we decided to go to Crown theatre to watch James Bond's latest flick "Quantum of Solace". For the uninitiated, Crown is the only theater in Calicut to screen the latest English movies. Since we could not get the balcony tickets, we had to settle for the second class tickets. Now for second class tickets, you do not have seat numbers. The seats are allotted on first come first serve basis. So there was a mad rush when the gates were opened and since we are not really big fans of rushing, (unles we have to rush out of classes) we ended up getting front row seats.

Before the movie began, the usual commercials were being aired. But surprise surprise! A Kohinoor condom commercial was aired and the entire crowd sat there in complete silence and attention. I was stunned by the idea of playing a condom commercial in a theatre. Playing the national anthem is perfectly fine with me, but playing a condom ad?? Which genius came up with that idea? But what came as a bigger shock was the crowd which sat there watching and listening to everything. I had not expected such a decent crowd in Crown! If it had been Hyderabad, people would have gone crazy and vocal showing their approval.

After the ad ended, they played the Dostana trailer. AB Jr in shades and Priyanka in a bikini got a few claps but when they showed a bare bodied John, the theatre erupted! There were whistles, howls, shrieks, comments (which thankfully I could not understand) and claps.. only from men! Only men!?! I did not really understand why a Priyanka-in-a-bikini is not a more attractive proposition than a John-in-shorts. Did I say decent crowd? Crowds here are really messed up!

And finally the movie started. And with great regret, I say that the movie failed to provide me with even a quantum of solace. The title track was long and boring. The editing was horrible. I think a monkey decided to chew down half the script and the director decided to shoot the movie anyways. And the English accent at places is completely incomprehensible. I dont really get this - these guys invented the language! How can they speak in such gibberish accent? Somehow the ladies find the accent a real turn on. Strange. Coming back to the movie, the stunts were cool, not too many technical gadgets were used and the lead female was not that great looking. And finally when the movie ended, the crowd was howling - I think they were thankful that the director decided to end the movie halfway. So to all my friends in leading metros, do not waste your 100-150 bucks on this movie. I'd rather sit at home and watch repeat telecast of Sachin-Sourav partnerships on Star Cricket. Sigh.. am all nostalgic now!

Status message of the day:

"The black man is called in to clean up the mess. What's new?"

- An Egyptian blogger on Obama's election

PS: Watch Deshdrohi - from what I saw in the trailers, the male lead has a funny way of mouthing off dialogues :D Dr. Eddie Murphy meets Bhagat Singh.
PS2: Twin setbacks to the Indian cricket team in this series. No Jumbo.. no dada.. Watching cricket will not be the same again :( Lets hope we win the series 2-0! :D Go India go!
PS3: Hope to blog more often.
PS4: That's the 3264th time I've promised myself to blog regularly.

Diwali, crackers and I

Happy Diwali, my dear readers! I hope you all had a blast. As for me, I love Diwali for all the sweets and presents it brings along. And the home-cooked food is as always finga-lickin good! But I'm afraid the festival has lost its significance for me over the past few years. And that has been mainly because I've stopped bursting crackers. I think I was in 10th when I read something about the child labour situation in Sivakasi. The grim situation portrayed by that article affected me so much that I had to give up on what I had loved the most about Diwali - bursting crackers.

If you're wondering why one would give up something like this after reading an article, let me try explaining it. To me, bursting crackers has become synonymous to eating non-vegetarian food. I dont like eating non veg but I dont mind others eating it. I am not against non-vegetarians just because I am a vegetarian. Similarly, I am not fighting for the cause of child workers in Sivakasi by boycotting crackers. I've just developed some amount of dislike towards bursting crackers. Unfortunately, I've landed in many an awkward moment with my relatives because of a misunderstanding over this reason. Let me illustrate this with an example

Relative: Gokul, why dont you burst a cracker or two?
Me: No uncle. I dont burst crackers. *sheepish smile*
R: Why? Do you think crackers are for kids? Look, even I am bursting crackers. *twirls his cracker in apparent joy*
Me: No uncle. Its ok. Actually I dont like bursting crackers. *still trying to avoid telling the reason*
R: What? You're scared of bursting crackers? haha.. *thinks what a big loser I am* You're a young man now. I will teach you. Dont worry.
Me: No no.. *grr.. let him have it* I used to burst crackers. But I've quit because of the child labour situation in many Sivakasi factories. *puts a worried expression and points to the cover of the cracker on which Sivakasi is written in bold font*
R: *Awkward silence*
Me: *Talk something dammit! I hope you dont think of me as some socially aware citizen*
R: *More awkward silence as he sifts through the heap of crackers*
Me: *Puts on a fake smile and some fake enthusiasm* Let me get a new candle for you uncle.

So there you go. That was the first time I tried to stay away from crackers by stating the reason. However, after enough trial and error experiments, I finally zeroed in on the ideal excuses to give.
1. I have an exam in the next few days, uncle. Dont want to take any risks :D *For the studious image*
2. No mood, uncle. Yawn. *For the spoilt brat image*
3. Been there done that, uncle. Crackers are boring. *For the cool image*

And if these do not work, I avoid the child labour excuse and get straight to lighting a flower pot just for the heck of it. If there is one thing I hate more than bursting crackers, it is being in socially awkward situations with my relatives.

Status Message of the day:

"I was born to a rich faggot, but thanks to me, my son wont be"

-Vimal S Warrier

PS: If you think you or any of your friends have funny status messages in your gtalk / Y! list, then ping me on gtalk. I could use some funny ones for my next post. Just in case, my id is gokul.archer@gmail.com.
PS1: Yes, I intend to blog soon. (Although I am not sure how many read my posts.. hmm...)
PS2: On afterthought, I dont miss bursting crackers. I've grown aloof from the entire process. And before I forget, I wish you all a happy and safe Diwali!
PS3: Feels good to be blogging again. (Although the standards are abysmally low)

My Travelogue

There is very little connection between the title and the post except for the travel part of course. I wrote this piece about a month back. I was in no mood to post it then. But seeing how my blog is on the verge of extinction, I am being forced to post this.

_________________

I am staying at my cousin’s place right now. This cousin of mine loves smacking me – I do not know what kind of sadistic pleasure she derives by slapping my back – is it the feel of hollow bones or the relief of not being hit back. She loves bugging me – which I find very amusing. She also likes my rendition of “In the End” which I find even more amusing! She is in her 10th grade – which incidentally happens to be the most crucial academic year here in Mumbai. So she attends coaching classes from 3 to 9 every evening – which I found very shocking and disturbing. But over here in Mumbai, it seems to be quite common to put kids through such grind.

Speaking of grind, I am going through one while traveling from Thane to Malad every morning. I, hereby officially announce Mumbai local trains as the mother of all public transport systems! It is the best mode of transport here in Mumbai – in the sense it takes the shortest time to travel from place A to place B, if one were to use trains. However it is the toughest to get into – and trust me, this is not over-hyped. I have been going through nothing short of hell while trying to board trains.

Everyday I wake up early and get dressed in the most ironed clothes so that I look decent. (Off the record, I hate clean & ironed clothes because you have to be oh-so-careful! A more detailed post sometime in the future) And after boarding a bus from Thane to Borivali, I enter the Borivali station. I am overcome by a nauseous sensation thanks to the stench of fish. How do people manage to eat fish is beyond my understanding! Chicken – yes, it smells better than veg biryani but fish? (I hope my mom is not reading this. *gulp*)

Anyways before we completely digress, I then board the local train. After making umpteen number of attempts to get in, I somehow squeeze myself into the train. But the catch here is, when you’re traveling a very short distance (say Borival to Malad where there is only one station in between) it is highly important that you board the train at the right time. You board too early, you will be pushed deep into the train, and then you will have to plough your way out in a record 5 minutes (which is next to impossible) If you try boarding a bit late, you might not be able to board at all. Thus every morning is spent on contemplating a strategy to board the train at the right moment so as to be able to get down at Malad.

And once you are into the train, your tolerance is tested. As each drop of sweat makes its way from your neck down your spine, you’re tempted to wipe it off. However, you have no other choice but to stand helplessly and wait. And this eternal wait would end when the passengers by your side, who until now, were standing like lifeless statues, start getting fidgety. The symptoms are hard to miss – first your feet get stamped and their faces are filled with signs of restlessness. Then of course once the station comes in sight, there is the typical war cry. (“Chalo Kandivali” or “Aakraman Malad”) By the way, it does wonders to your adrenaline flow. But once you’re out of the train, a sense of relief coupled with the stickiness of a wet, sweaty shirt overcomes you and you can’t help but feel irritated.

So this is my routine. It isn’t as bad as it sounds. But yeah, it’s bad enough! On a side note, by the time I get down, my shirt is neither clean nor ironed. So much for the corporate culture!

PS1: Today is my final presentation day! :-ss
PS2: If there was a perceived lack of quality, the blame solely rests on me. Falling standards, sigh!
PS3: IPL ke baad GPL? What were they thinking??!!
PS4: Going to K directly from Mumbai
PS5: Guess the next date I post and win exciting prizes! :P
PS6: This is the end. Time to go, give a presentation.

Seven habits of highly effective gully cricketers

Today, we shall learn how to play safe, indoor cricket – cricket in the living room to be precise, and win. This post is by no means inspired by the Stephen Covey book. Now that I have clarified that part, shall we?

The seven habits of highly effective gully cricketers

1. Sledge – Sledging is an integral part of indoor cricket. It is highly unlikely that one can get a wicket if the one-bounce-catch rule is absent. That is exactly why one should sledge. Sledging can be offensive, vulgar or funny.
a.Offensive: How to offend others with sledging? The most tried and tested methods focus on weighty issues. Literally. One can also comment on culinary skills and the spherical quotient of one’s tummy in mathematical terms (usually calculated using a complex equation - the variables involved being surface area, S and capacity, C)
b.Vulgar: The less said the better.
c.Funny: One can always be offensive AND funny. But usually being sarcastic helps.

2. Moving on to more technical tips, ahem. If a fielder is positioned close, the best way to scare him is to charge down the pitch – yes, I am referring to the 6-10 yards pitch here, and play a defensive prod. And if you’re known to be a pinch hitter, the fielder by now would be literally shivering waist down. I remember this one time when I was fielding at silly point and this senior of mine who weighed twice as much charged down the wicket. I literally shit in my pants.

3. Try to flight the deliveries above the eye-level of the batsman – especially if you’re a spinner. When you do that, the natural instinct is to come on to the front foot and heave it - until the batsman realizes that he’s playing in a 15x8 room. In which case, he’d either go through with the shot and hit the wall directly (in our case there is a TV as well!) or would miss the ball and be adjudged out. You, of course, can bowl that occasional faster delivery and later defend yourself by claiming that you’re a spinner and the delivery was not fast. (It always worked for me :D)

4. Always encourage your bowlers. Even if they’re pathetic. And appeal. Do add in your share of sighs (ooos and aaaahhs) even if the ball missed the stumps / edge by miles. It puts a lot of pressure on the batsman.

5. And if you’re the batsman, watch the bowling action – especially if he’s a spinner. It is very important to decipher the spin on the delivery before deciding how to play it. Usually the fingers and the wrist position give away the spin on the delivery. Also try taking the delivery on the full or play it as late as possible. Never be stuck midway! It’s too dangerous. Even if the pitch is akin to the Chennai track prepared in the last series.

6. Play with soft hands! Especially the balls which have more bounce. Taking the bottom hand off helps a lot. Sometimes getting the bottom hand into play is also useful. Refer to tip #2 :D Using your footwork is also very crucial. A Virender Sehwag cannot survive in the Gully Cricketing scene.

7. And in case you’ve forgotten – sledge!

PS: Next post might be on anything! Mostly it will be something highly random.
PS2: Any comments on the IPL? (Am I asking for trouble? :P)

mama mia!

So after a long hiatus, I am back into the blogosphere - only to disappear again into the shadows of blogger's blocks but then let us live the moment, shall we?! :P Between the time I last posted and now, lots of things have happened. Our summers process took place and yours truly made it to SET - Sony Entertainment Television. So if you think Sony has been airing crappy programmes think no further! Just change the god damned channel! :D Before I digress completely, ahem.. I have been posted in Mumbai. So any attractive female readers of mine out there in Mumbai, please mail me across your address and phone numbers.. and may be we can have a chat over a cup of coffee. What say? :D *ducks*

Moving on.. *sigh* I celebrated my first Diwali away from home. Never knew it felt so crappy to celebrate Diwali away from home. The food here was awesome, lots of competitions were held and the junta was quite enthusiastic about it. But then, somehow felt quite uneasy.. :( I guess this is just a beginning of a long stretch of festivals I'd miss celebrating at home. You can find more on how we celebrated Diwali here. And btw India won the 3rd ODI against our "friendly" padosis. Now how cool is that! :D

On a different note, our first semester grades are out. I scored a very respectable GPA of 2.83 out of 4.33. I have cut down on studies lately so as to be able to do other things like this and this. Life has been slightly hectic but I've started liking it more and more. Right now, I am running a Make-Gokul-fat campaign as I raid friends' rooms and loot food from them. I wish I were Mahmud of Ghazni.. looting is so much fun! :D However, I've not been putting on much weight as was evident from my mother's reaction when I had been to Hyderabad recently. But the looting shall continue!! >:)

PS1: I will be back in Hyderabad sometime next month. :D
PS2: Missing home.. :(
PS3: Happy Diwali to one and all! :D
PS4: Its 7 already! Going out to eat at Taj.. friend's treat.. >:) time to launch another looting expedition! :D
PS5: And ManU is through to the next round. BTW Heroes rocks. And is anyone reading the Naruto Manga.. woo hoo! :D
PS6: Someone was telling me the other day that I should market my blog more aggresively. Idhar bhi marketing!? /:)
PS7: I was just wondering.. is there any relation between the title and the post? hmm.. Guess and win exciting prizes! :D
PS8: This is the end.

CAT '07 sample questions..

Well, since CAT is around the corner, I thought I'd share with you different kinds of questions that might be asked in the coming edition of the billi. A typical question connecting multiple concepts is given below:

1) The minutes hand of the clock is on 12 and the hours hand is on 11. But Gokul has not started studying for his ME mid-semester exam. The probability of him screwing the exam if the paper is tough, is 0.6. The probability that Gokul will complete studying the entire portion before the exam is 0.3. What is the probability of him screwing the exam, provided the paper given is easy?

a) 0.28
b) 0.12
c) 0.18
d) 1

Solution: Answer is option d. I screwed up what might possibly be the easiest paper ever set by any professor. Looking back, I wish he had given a tougher question paper. At least I'd have had a few fellow cribbers! Our mid semester exams are going on. Hopefully my other exams go well.

In other news, we've received our grades for term 1. My performance has been slightly below average, but nothing to be ashamed of! :D And my GPA calculations have been reasonably accurate! I was after all gifted, eh?! :D Work is expected to pile up exponentially in the coming weeks. I've ended up cutting down on CS so as to accomodate other activities in my schedule, which include studying, giving quizzes and sleeping in classes.

Time to get back to studies. Adios!

PS1: To all those who ended up hoping to find a leaked CAT '07 paper - sorry for the misleading title of the post.
PS2: CS fest being planned in IIIT! :(
PS3: Anybody has the song Sideways by Citizen Cope? Please mail me the song! I'm tired of searching for it over the net.
PS4: The last episode of HIMYM viz. 305 was frikkin hilarious! Barney's theory of plotting girls on the graph of hot and crazy was.. err.. classic Barney! Especially the Vicky Mendoza diagonal!! :D
PS5: Dont ask me how I find time to watch HIMYM episodes during exams. Please refer to the second sentence of the sample question given at the beginning of the post.
PS6: Back to studies!

The Human Calculator..

There was this phase I went through, in my third year, when I used to sit and calculate my CGPA time and again. After having accounted for various permutations and combinations, I'd arrive at my GPA for the semester and consecutively my CGPA. The whole funda behind the exercise was to check whether there was any hope of me crossing 7 at the end of 4 years. And typical of me, I'd always put very optimistic estimates and would feel good about myself. But at the end of the semester, I'd get a rude shock when my GPA would be a good half point less than what I had calculated. But at the end of my 4 years, I'm proud to say that I crossed the psychological 7 mark. Its like getting a total of 300 on a flat pitch - you never know whether it would be enough or not.

So why am I saying such things on the public domain and lowering my image amongst my readers? Because the syndrome is back again to haunt me through my post graduation. Yes, the past couple of days, I've been calculating my GPA for the first semester - adding new results and revising estimates time and again. I've come to be known as the Human Calculator (of GPA) not because I calculate faster than anyone else but because I am the only one involved in such fruitless activities. People come to me asking for an estimate of their GPAs. I, just like the fake baba/saint/whatever-you-refer-to-them-in-your-language, give them hope by over estimating their GPAs. Well, I am not charging any fee for this small service I offer. Not yet. But I hope I dont get into trouble once the sem results are out. If things work out just fine, then I might start charging some consultation fee from the next semester. So how does this work? This calculating of GPAs?

DISCLAIMER: Please dont try this at home. Or in class. Or in your hostel rooms. These are trained professionals who have spent their lives perfecting the art of calculating GPA.

Well, firstly you take into account the past record of the instructor. If it is Mr.X who has given 40 Ds last sem, you take an optimistic grade of C- for that course. If it is Ms.Y who believes in giving lesser As and more Bs and Cs, you take into account the mean grade - which might be a B or a C ,and then calculate the resulting GPA. Other factors which should be considered include the number of times the instructor has caught you sleeping in the class, the overall performance of your section and batch, and the average performance of your section and batch. Believe me - calculating GPAs is a very tough job and not everyone is cut out to do the same. Only a select few are gifted with qualities of estimation and intution to carry out a good job.

So I repeat - please dont try this in your data compression/HSSM/Open Elective lectures. It might be a highly amusing exercise at the beginning, but one tends to get addicted to it. They're worse than drugs! Not to mention the depression one experiences due to overquoting of GPAs. You need to be a certified GPA calculator to put the worst beind you and continue calculating for the coming semesters. May the force be with you.

PS1: After my second year, my calculation speed increased manifold mainly because of 2 reasons:
a) calculating my GPA after every mid-term/end-term result was announced
b) when India used to chase a huge target. Once upon a time, we used to be good chasers
PS2: I finished the Quant section of CAT in 35 minutes. No prizes for guessing why.
PS3: I spent 1 hour 15 minutes on the verbal section in CAT :(
PS4: Hectic life.
PS5: Somebody scrap me.
PS6: Somebody comment!
PS7: We have dandiya night scheduled today. We are supposed to come dressed in ethnic wear.. :|
PS8: Special buffet arranged for tonight. hehehehe.. aakramannn.. :D
PS9: Washing clothes in washing machines is not a pain at all! :D
PS10: I hate wearing suits!
PS11: Mom, if you're reading this - Hi!
PS12: Seriously, why is the Indian cricket team so inconsistent?!
PS13: CAT 07 round the corner. All the best to all the CAT takers.
PS14: Work piling up. adios!

Fillers..

"...Filler episodes are often assumed to be used to pad out a weak story, especially if they are perceived to be of poor quality.."

Well, I had promised myself that I'd be blogging more frequently. But little can anyone predict the rigours of a B-school life. And thanks to the looming summer placements process and the horizons, I've not had much time to ping jobless people and spam the 2k3 list. Wait a minute, I STILL have time to spam.

So is this post going to be about how busy I have been lately? Probably.

In other news, we might be having an inter-hostel gaming competition in the coming months. Something good to look forward to, eh? :D And attending summers interviews are fun! Serious fun! You get to know how much one can lie and get away with it. It is all about thinking on your feet. And so, I've been answering questions by asking questions. And the best part about the GDs is, you get non-technical, pure BC topics. So you can just yap on and on. So far it has been a pleasant experience. Lets see how it turns out from here.

And just in case you did not know, a long lost friend always pings you only when you're the most busy. And it is tough to not talk to them, but at the same time you cannot deny the truth - you have to meet the deadline! So lately, I've been feeling guilty about how I've promised people that I'd ping them back and have conveniently forgotten to.. :(

PS1: To know more about horizons, check this out
PS2: Check out the latest Hitch kinda post from Kunal. Nice job, dude! :D
PS3: I hate it when we dont get free weekends! x(
PS4: Tired.

The accident..

It started off with a jolt; felt as if everything was coming to an end as the horn kept blaring in the background. I kept swearing until I fell off my seat. It seemed like an “AXN – scariest videos” moment. I thought we were falling off a cliff. I was on all fours by now and I knew that it was just a dream and that nothing more would happen – or so I believed until 2 drops of blood fell on my hand. Alarmed, I tried getting up but this time again the whole bus started tilting to one side. Immediately I went down again. Now I was pretty sure that we were hanging on the edge of the cliff. The horn was still blaring. I wanted to call up home but I was not able to move my left arm. So many things were flashing in my mind.

Someone was swearing very loudly. He seemed to be in pain. I tried getting up again and this time I had no problems. I realized that I was completely disoriented earlier. Amidst all the chaos, I just found the nearest empty seat and sat down with my head tilted backwards to stop the bleeding. I was completely shaken up as one of my friends continued screaming his lungs out asking all of us to evacuate the bus. Most of us were clueless, and I could hear some girls groaning. My legs and nose were hurting badly – I desperately wanted to cry out loud. But I guess I just did not want to add to the decibel levels. As I tried getting off my seat, a pain shot up my right arm. But I was able to move it – it was not a fracture, thankfully.

I went to check on my friend who was sitting 2 seats away. He had broken his toe nail. It was hanging by the tiniest scraps of skin. He seemed to be least worried though – he wanted to know how the others were. And that particular moment- that was the first time in months that I felt like a kid. I guess not everyone is gifted with maturity. As I moved towards the front portion of the bus, I witnessed some gut-wrenching scenes which would be etched in my memory for quite some time.

Later we were told that the driver had dozed off during the journey and had rammed into a truck which was parked by the roadside. Quite a few suffered multiple fractures. I thanked my lucky stars as I escaped with a few cuts and bruises. We made it to airport just in time to catch our respective flights. Everyone was pretty disturbed by the turn of events. As soon as I landed in Hyderabad, I was relieved.

And I had not yet called up home and told them about these things. It makes sense not to tell them over phone because they’d be worried sick. But then, if you get this feeling - that you’re going to die all alone without any of your near and dear ones by your side, your brain gets all messed up. After reaching home, I showed them (not to be confused with showed off!) the wounds and told them calmly what happened. I think dad was proud of me acting all grown up; mom was slightly worried and wanted to get me a tetanus shot! I guess all moms are like this – this is what makes them so lovable! :D

PS1: I’ve been having these kinds of dreams since childhood – I fall from skyscrapers and cliffs and err.. I just keep falling. Nothing happens!! :-??
PS2: This is not a short story. It occurred last Friday on the Mysore highway at 4:30 AM.
PS3: No casualties. We all were quite lucky.. :)
PS4: Returning on Sunday evening.
PS5: Whole schedule got messed up.. :(
PS6: And I am blogging from home! :D More on the same in my next post.

Zombie!

He was trying very hard not to let go but then.. suddenly, they seemed to weigh a ton each. This is just a phase - he repeated to himself. Soon I'd get over it and they'd go back to being weightless. But he knew that was not true. His willpower was being tested and he was not ready to give up that easily.

He started counting. 1.. 2.. He hung on but slowly his resolve began to crack as he started losing focus. 3.. 4.. He started counting faster. 6.. 7.. He wanted to fight it; 8.. he shook away all the remaining lethargy and concentrated but he could not hold them back long enough as the shutters came crashing down like the twin towers. Suddenly the whole world seemed to come to a standstill and silence prevailed. So did peace.Until someone poked him from the side.

He knew it. It was inevitable - the nightout had taken its toll. He wanted it all to be a dream but it refused to go away. Unwillingly, he opened his eyes to find the Microeconomics professor giving him one of those "gotcha" stares as she repeated, "Please dont sleep in my class. I am not going to take his name, but dont sleep in the class" And all this while she was staring at him without looking away. Talk of subtlety!

As the whole class started grinning, realization dawned upon him (which would later take him to exotic places with voluptuous women on either side.) He no longer cared! As a smile spread across his face, he turned to his neighbour and quipped, "That was the best nap I ever had!"

And since then, the count has not moved past 8.

________________________________

PS1: This story was based on a true life incident. Yes, I was caught sleeping in the ME class. However this is just half the story. The better half of the story, I'm afraid, will be kept under wraps. :D
PS2: Seriously that was the best nap I ever had.
PS3: Exams are over! woo hoo!! :D
PS4: Never been so eager to go back home. Hyderabad, here I come!
PS5: Respected Flyovers, please dont collapse.. :-s
PS6: Slept for only 5 hours in the last 48 hours! :(
PS7: Screwed up almost all my exams. I really think I am not cut out for studying. Lets see how things go in term 2.
PS8: Last post in term 1.. :D
PS9: Did you know that cobras are hunted by raptors, mongoose and mallu security guards of D hostel?
PS10: Yay! Two posts spaced out so closely. Long time since I posted so frequently.. :D

Feast your eyes!

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting to you.. pictures of God's own IIM!

Early morning view from the valley facing rooms..

Sunrise!

The Amphitheatre

The thinking point

The Sunset

PS1: None of these pics were taken by me. I've been downloading them from different people thanks to DC++. (Yes, we've got dcpp!)
PS2: Have been very busy with this! Do visit it.. its our institute's blog.
PS3: I never knew before that the RTI Act can be misused.
PS4: I am supposed to be studying for my end sem exams which begin tomorrow. Unfortunately, the motivation to study has disappeared! :(
PS5: Make a mental note of this fact: The Indian cricket team flatters to deceive.
PS6: I'll be reaching Hyderabad on 14th of this month! Excited!! :D
Country roadss.. take me home.
PS7: People have stopped spamming ug2k3 list. I guess everyone has moved on.. :(
PS8: I wanted to blog about my daring feats :P but then.. time constraints have held me back. May be sooner or later..
PS9: I shall blog more often. I shall not fade out like other fellow bloggers! There, I've taken the vow.
PS10: Long time since I went blog hopping.. :( Some day.. some day.
PS11: It has almost ceased raining. Last night, it was so foggy outside that the lamps seemed to float in mid air! :D :D Awesome sight!

The long overdue post..

Well, I finally get down to writing this long overdue post. So much has happened since the last post that I am wondering how to put it all in words. It is this overwhelming feeling which cannot be expressed so easily. Anyways, moving on to the actual post, lately I have been thinking a lot.. about some of the burning problems that we face in our day to day life like global warming, deforestation, and how I dont have enough time to have more than 2 dosas at breakfast! Yes, life has been a blur lately. Its been a month although it doesnt seem so.

Amidst surprise quizzes and assignment deadlines, my birthday was celebrated on the night of July 13th. The funny thing about this whole episode was, my friends almost forgot and were reminded at 1:00 AM. Typical of any birthday celebrated at K, I was treated to a generous dose of cakes, milk shakes, ketchup, vinegar, soft drinks etc. Yes, it was an exotic concoction and it was smothered all over my face and head. Pictures were taken but I am not going to post it on the blog for obvious reasons. I was also kicked until I was on the verge of crying, but overall a very memorable affair.

And as most of you must be knowing by now, we had a small photo shoot. We were dressed in our business suits. And for a change I looked level-headed, more adult-like and ready to become a manager. In fact, once we received our pictures, I could not believe I could look like that! I guess self-realization is one of the few things which one attains after reaching a B-school.

Lately, the amount of work that's been piling up has been increasing exponentially. For example, I've been typing this post for the past 4 days but somehow or the other, something crops up and I'm forced to leave the post incomplete. So I guess I'll just publish the damned post now instead of shelving it for the future. Why do I sound frustrated? hmmm..

PS1: I think I just slept through my convocation.
PS2: Midterm exams from next week. Hardly prepared.
PS3: Is Halley really getting married.
PS4: I want to be at IIIT so badly now.. :(
PS5: I also want to graduate! :(( I always thought it was fun wearing those ill-fitting gowns and throwing the caps in the air. sigh!
PS6: Hot news! Our ex-president, APJ Kalam has accepted to be a part of visiting faculty at IIIT-H! Now.. now.. NOW.. things will get interesting! :D
PS7: The next guy who is going to ask me a reason for my absence from the convocation is going to get it big time!

Khronicles - the beginning

We've got a supermarket here where we get almost anything and everything. But the problem is, it is kinda addictive! I found myself shopping for unwanted items and ended up paying a lot more than I intended to. We've got our own washing machines so there is no dhobi problem unless one is too lazy to get his clothes washed by a washing machine!

First day, I went to the computer centre but was not allowed inside. Reason - I was in my three-fourths! And you need to be dressed in full pants to be allowed. But thanks to my excellent negotiation powers which also include begging, pleading and keeping a sad, innocent face, the guard let me in.. :D We've got sofas in our library! And lots of books as well. That is all I know about the library since I've not really gone about exploring. It does seem to be a good place to take a small nap between classes though.

Lately the climate has been extremely pleasant. You really need to see it to believe it. Sometimes at nights, it becomes so misty, that we practically get to walk through the clouds! :D The view from some of the valley facing rooms is breathtaking, especially early morning. There can be a no better start to a morning. I was so inspired by the view, that I decided to go jog early in the morning. Can you believe it? :)) It was a fairy tale story as long as I was jogging downhill. Only when I decided to return back to hostel did I realise that I'd have to jog uphill! I was short of breath for rest of the morning.. so much for being inspired by nature!

It rains 24 hours a day! Either it is that slightly-irritating-drizzle or the cant-be-so-easily-ignored torrential rainfall. But it is fun.. it brings out a new look to the surroundings. I guess one gets used to it. It looks more or less like a resort. The people are kinda nice, mostly confused because this the first time they’re staying away from home. We’ve hardly got any freshers here so it kinda sucks. Everyone looks like an…Wait for it. Uncle. :D

And before I forget, there are no heaters/geysers. So we’re forced to take bath in cold water. :( We had a small hostel party where we had some "social interaction" with our seniors. It was fun! :D The classes have started and frankly speaking the classes are damn interesting! It feels good listening to interesting classes after almost 4 years! In fact, 6 people happened to come a minute late to the first class and they were asked to submit a 5 page report on the case by evening. The way the prof. gave the punishment looked so matter of fact that it was awesome! It has instilled in most of us, a sense of fear! Need to be careful though not to get into the bad books of any prof.

Our campus: