Monday, April 24, 2006

10 tips to become a highly successful villain..

I remember the Saturday nights when I used to stay up and watch Mr.India. But somehow I was never a die-hard fan of the lead hero. Call me pathetic, villainous or sadistic, I always liked Mogambo much more. When my whole family would be hoping for Anil Kapoor to escape his clutches, I’d be secretly rooting for him.

When my friends would be discussing as to what they would do if they were to become Mr. India. I’d be thinking on similar lines, only that I dreamt of becoming a Mogambo. And so moving on to the main objective of this post, presenting to you, first of a kind, THIS is a guide to becoming a more nefarious mogambo. These points are discussed in further detail in the book.

10 Effective Habits of Highly Effective villains
  • Despite its proven stress-relieving effect (thanks to Dr. J.Asthana) I shall not indulge in highly monotonous, maniacal laughter.
  • If the beautiful heroine that I capture says, "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!" I will say "Oh well" and kill her. :|
  • I will hire Manish Malhotra or Roberto Cavalli to create original uniforms for my evil army. I don’t want them looking like the Nazi army, Roman foot soldiers or our college dance troupe :P *ducks* I myself would dress in smart clothes unlike Dr.Evil or Gabbar Singh. And no, I’d not shave my hair off.
  • My evil army will be trained in basic marksmanship. I still fail to understand how 30 odd henchmen can manage to not get a single hit on the hero. Which is why, anyone who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice. >:)
  • I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable super-weapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve. And if I happen to go into a face-to-face battle with the hero, I’ll not stop my henchmen from coming to my aid. Better still I’d take a gun from one of them and kill him.
  • When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, parrot, elephant or whatever sickeningly cute little (or big) animal capable of untying ropes and filching key which happens to follow him around.
  • I will design my fortress hallways such that there are no protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in the climax firefight.
  • I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets or hydrogen sulphide gas (Isn’t it the one with the rotten egg smell? I was always weak in Chemistry practicals) on anyone stupid enough to disregard the warning.
  • It is vitally important that your evil army has no moral status whatsoever. Test this by running over a small furry animal in front of them. If they react, they're out. If faced with a tough dilemma, the army may have the audacity to help the under-dog or save the kid. This is clearly unacceptable.
  • Finally, if I do manage to take over the world.. ok world seems way too far-fetched, I’d keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, by regularly broadcasting golden moments of Indian cricket which would include the India-Australia matches played at Sharjah and all the Indo-Pak world cup matches. :D I could also better it by providing each of them with free unlimited Internet access, talks for which are going on. :P

Now that we are done, let us look at some of the encouraging reviews that my book has received from the leading newspapers and magazines..

This book gives you the perfect foolproof plan for your son to become the most feared and loathed villain of all time. A must read for all the Gabbar singh wannabes.

-The Guardian

The book is very entertaining and thought-provoking. We recommend it with our eyes closed. Mogambo.. zaroor khush hoga!!


So what are you waiting for? First 500 orders win early bird prizes which include special Dr.Evil headgear, limited editions of Mogambo’s “Mogambo.. khush hua” and Gabbar Singh’s “Tera kya hoga, Kaliya?” T shirts. Hurry!!

And today's Quote for the day is..

Of all the ways of defining man, the worst is the one which makes him out to be a rational animal.

Anatole France
PS1: Cultural camp starts tomorrow. Hope to get that elusive extra-curricular credit. Dhoni is ranked number 1 in ICC ODI ratings. Hope to complete the term paper and the MR project soon.
PS2: Our CL batch has changed. So now we have 4 NIFT girls, (3 of them look attractive) attending the class with us. There was this question where we had to calculate the mean of some numbers which ranged from 16 and 18, and one of the girls suddenly screamed 34 as the answer. I neva knew girls could be so dumb. [-(
PS3: As a result of my continuous boredom, I have been formulating strategies for CS & cricket. Apart from these, I am thinking on some human psychology and philosophies. I must really be jobless.. :( But at least that is better than JUST sleeping.. ;)
PS4: Post is highly haphazard. Guess I am just way too tired to be blogging right now.. :(
PS5: Got aB in Bio-informatics. Reasonably satisfied. Created a johari window for myself. All of you are welcome to give their valuable inputs. :D Just make sure, your entries are not made anonymously. ;)
*Updated on 25th April*


Wednesday, April 19, 2006

height of sarcasm.. presenting to you.. Dilberttt.. :D

Now THAT is sarcasm!! :D :D In other words, that is so Dr. Cox-like.. Next post is coming up.. soon.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

When will I start studying SE?

Have my SE exam at 3:00 PM. After the TOC exam in 2-2, this is the only exam, where I am JUST NOT ABLE TO MOTIVATE MYSELF TO START STUDYING.. All I've been doing is changing status messages like crazy. Although I am trying my best not to get into this careless mode, (in fact I thought of watching Godfather-II yesterday night!!) I just can't help it. So, unable to cope with this boredom of studying SE, I am posting a few arbit pics. Enjoy!

Check this out.. Garfield rocks :D

This is how my desktop looks right now.. Doesnt she look gorgeous?? *sigh*

PS1: Being in the placement committee means you get your mailbox spammed. But you do get interesting mails regularly. Recently a mail was sent asking the students to reply keeping the subject intact, if they were interested in applying for an MS internship. So now this guy replies with the subject AS "intact". I dunt know whether it was done out of innocence or sarcasm. But we sure had a laugh riot.. :D

PS2: 5th ODI got abandoned. X( Just waiting for the exams to end, so that I could get back to my "chatting-blogging-movie-reading-chatting-movie-CAT-sleeping" routine. Chatted with a couple of interesting people.. was unavoidable but interesting. All this during exam time!! I guess I am a misfit in this "research" institute of ours. [-(

PS3: I just realized that this course would be our last course as a batch, since it is the last core course. So it is kinda emotional and nostalgic. After this, each one of us will go separate ways. :-<

PS4: Will come up with my next post.. after the SE exam I guess.. We're planning on eating outside tonight. Lets see how things wind up. And a best of luck to all the people for their exams.. :D

PS5: Why does it take soo much time for the blogger to load images. All my PSs can be combined into another post.. :-L And for all those guys, who DO NOT know who the babe in my desktop wallpaper is, she is Scarlett Johansson. Now you can go hang yourselves.. >:P

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Saturday, April 08, 2006

The "Forward" Post

I never developed a liking towards posts containing forwarded messages. But every now and then, a forward comes along which you HAVE TO post. And this is one of those posts. All the names have been acknowledged. Except for 2 of em, which I happened to find on the net. Please take a look at the puzzle and suggest a solution for it. Its been bugging me for quite some time.

This was a forward I received yesterday from j. Thanks J ;) It is an interesting and humorous read, especially for the s/w engineers.

This is not a forward, but found it on the net. But it is equally amazing, confusing and puzzling. If you're able to come up with the solution please do comment.

This one was from GVK. This is a very interesting conversation between a person and God.

God: Hello. Did you call me?
Me: Called you? No, who is this?
God: This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat.
Me: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in the midst of something.
God: What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.
Me: Don't know. But I can't find free time. Life has become hectic. It's rush hour all the time.
God: Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results.
Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.
Me: I understand. But I still can't figure out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.
God: Well I wanted to resolve your fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with.
Me: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?
God: Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.
Me: Why are we then constantly unhappy?
God: Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.
Me: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?
God: Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.
Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty.
God: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?
God: Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer. With that experience their life becomes better not bitter.
Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?
God: Yes. In every term, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.
Me: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why can't we be free from problems?
God: Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons to
Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems.
Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where we are heading.
God: If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.
Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do?
God: Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.
Me: In tough times, how do you stay motivated?
God: Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.
Me: What surprises you about people?
God: When they suffer they ask, "why me?" When they prosper, they never ask "Why me". Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.
Me: Sometimes I ask, who am I, why am I here. I can't get the answer.
God: Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be.
Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.
Me: How can I get the best out of life?
God: Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.
Me: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.
God: There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO.
Me: Thank you for this wonderful chat. I am so happy to start the day with a new sense of inspiration.
God: Well, Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live.

This one is quite funny as well.. :D

PS1: The cost accounting exam went pretty well. And yes, officially this is the earliest I've ever posted. Why? Couldn't sleep. Moral of the story: Never drink coffee at midnight.

PS2: Have been playing quite a lot of cricket daily. Its fun playing cricket early in the morning. India won the series by chasing a meagre total, and thus created a new world record for most consecutive successful chases. Now THAT is some record, huh?

PS3: My next post is ready, but decided to post it later. And no, it is not another forward post. :D And yes, Barca is through to the semis where it will face AC Milan. *fingers crossed* Even Arsenal made it to the semis. I wonder how!

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Good morning.. You've got SPAM!

This post is a tribute to all spammers, the faculty and the hostel wardens included. After Halley’s recent post on spam and how-to-compose-spam, I thought I had to share with all you readers, some of the classic mails, which have managed to stay on top of my all-time-spam list. So all you non-IIIT readers, I can’t assure you that any of the stuff that follows would make sense to you.

DISCLAIMER: All the mails, which have been quoted here, are 100% original and have not been tampered. Any resemblance of these mails to one of the mails in your mailbox may not be pure coincidence. To quote V here, there is no such thing as coincidence, just the illusion of coincidence.

I’d like to start off with the legendary Prof Ramamurthy. If there had to be a faculty representative in spamming, he is the most deserving candidate. If a top-10-spammers-of-IIIT list were to be released, his name would figure at #1 position. All his mails are addressed to the students mailing list and I often wonder why his account never gets blocked. Please note smr’s reply to this mail of his, which was sent 3 times over a span of 2 days, threatening students with F-grades in projects. Also do note the format used by the Prof. in the mail.

Date: Tue, 26 Jul 2005 14:05:16 +0530
From: Sunil Mohan Ranta
Subject: [Fwd: [Students] Deadline for projects]
Hi all,
Whoever has taken projects under him PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ submit it as soon as possible otherwise your account will be blocked :)

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: [Students] Deadline for projects
Date: Tue, 26 Jul 2005 13:57:05 +0530
From: Rammurthy


1. I discussed with the director regarding project submission. YOU HAVE 20 days more to show your SEMESTER PROJECTS.

If you donot show the project alongwith report etc,
YOU WILL RECEIVE AN "F" grade for the project

2. IF YOU HAVE TAKEN A PROJECT, CHECK WITH Mr. Appaji if a grade has been given.

Also this provision extends for another 20 days.

With Regards,
Rama Murthy, Garimella

Now that I am done demonstrating to you the Ramu-style of composing mails, let’s look at another genre started by Prof Reddy at the beginning of the 20th century. This mail of his gives you a fair indication of his talent in composing mails. Please read the mail completely and if it doesn’t crack you up, then nothing can. It is in reply to a mail sent by Prof Ramancharla asking the students not to damage window panes while playing cricket.

Date: Mon, 28 Feb 2005 17:33:14 +0530 (IST)
From: P.Krishna Reddy
To: Pradeep Kumar Ramancharla
Cc: Dr. Vasudeva Varma , govinda , Dr. Karlapalem Kamal , Dr. P.J. Narayanan ,,
Subject: [Students] Fw: damage of glass panes of library building

It is causing accidents. The cricket ball is about to hit my children and wife twice. They just missed. Please look for alternative plan.

Cricket should not be played near faculty quarters where children and family members move freely.

It is OK to play other sports. But, no to cricket.

-P.Krishna Reddy

If you failed to notice, let me quote him again.

“Cricket should not be played near faculty quarters where children and family members move freely.”

Move freely? This is exactly why someone must not be involved in agriculture dept. for too long. He is referring to them as if they were some kind of cattle.. grazing all over IIIT.

Moving on, we have another mail from our fabled Prof. R, which was not publicized because of unknown reasons. Although this in no way is connected to spam, it figures in this post for a very special reason. Please note the timestamps, or rather the dates of the mail to which Prof. R has replied.

Date: Sun, 6 Feb 2005 18:46:56 +0530
From: rammurthy
To: IIIT Magazine
Subject: Re: magazine website

Please forward the magazine to all
ALUMNI of IIIT. This was a suggestion
from Prof. Sangal

With Regards,
Rama Murthy

----- Original Message -----
From: "IIIT Magazine"
Sent: Monday, February 24, 2003 11:18 PM
Subject: magazine website

> Dear All,
> The magazine website is up and running. Kindly have a look and
> send in your comments.
> You can download and/or read all the issues of Echoes and The Interface.
> -Mag Team

Another prominent mail sent by our dear R was asking Dr PJN on how to convert a .doc file to a .pdf file. He also cc-ed it to students mailing list. Now how ignorant can one get? [-(

Coming to the student community, most of the spamming is done while subscribing to a mailing list. The most affected are the ones subscribed to the cybergames mailing list. And how could I forget the mother of all spam, the life mailing list, which perpetuated spam and made it larger-than-life. Ignoring it would be a sacrilege. A lot has been written on the utility of this mailing list. Right now, thanks to I.V, we have a raging debate on whether the swimming mails should be sent to LIFE or not.
A sample mail received (if you have not YET unsubscribed from LIFE) would look something like this:

Date: Thu, 16 Mar 2006 22:48:45 +0530 (IST)
From: ABC
To: XYZ,
Subject: Re: [Life] reg FF mess

XYZ, I WHOLE-HEARTEDLY agree with you.
On Thu, 16 Mar 2006, XYZ wrote:
>PQR, I TOTALLY agree with you
>On Thu, 16 Mar 2006, PQR wrote:
>> DEF, I completely agree with you
>> On Thu, 16 Mar 2006, DEF wrote:
>>> IJK, I second that.
>>> On Thu, 16 Mar 2006, IJK wrote:
>>>> I agree.
>>>> On Thu, 16 Mar 2006, Krishnakanth wrote:
>>>>> * Here goes the actual spam.. ranging from stationary shop lafda to the FF
>>>>> mess. Wonder why the attendance issue has not been raised yet :P*

Sometimes the “I agree” statements are accompanied by emotionally moving, sob stories like how PQR had to go all the way to Indiranagar to buy a Rs.3 Reynolds refill because the stationary shop was closed, or how ABC had to borrow an A4 size sheet to copy a Physics assignment because the stationary shop was closed. Such gross injustice! Does god even exist?? Another craze that has caught up with our (ug3) batch is sending test mails and replying them in an unending loop. But the best part is - no one is complaining! When the batch topper (read I.V) himself sends spam, who dare protest. :D

So there you go ladies and gentleman. All “I agree” and “I do not agree” comments are welcome :D But after what happened here, fuzzy, only one from your family can comment. :P And so to conclude this fiasco in Prof Reddy’s own words, it is ok to mails, but no to spam. :P Jokes apart, the best mail ever sent by any faculty was the one sent by Dr.PJN on Felicity ’05. Anyone interested in this mail can ask for it in the comments section. Please mention ur mail id as well.

PS1: I’d like to thank Halley for sending me a broken-eggs-rotten-tomatoes BLN mail which I decided not to include because the post is already too long. (There you go.. I acknowledged you :D)

PS2: In fact when I had subscribed for Campus Green Club, all the subscribers got a mail from a company inviting us to try out their newest product which when used, claimed to enlarge the private parts of the stronger sex. [-( You can contact Shivudu for more details. :D

PS3: V for vendetta rocks. I have been promoting the movie so shamelessly that I figured out I might as well ask for some royalty from the makers of the movie. But watching it in IMAX is a pleasure in itself. I’d recommend it to each and every one of you. The dialogues especially are very powerful.

PS4: Tipo got his ass kicked in 1v1 snow. However once we agreed to play using scouts he managed to salvage some pride by putting up a decent show. What is happening to CEG snipers?? IV, are you listening? :P

PS5: For those who found this post boring, here’s a link which you might find very interesting.


Sunday, April 02, 2006

The optimist unravelled..

So I was tagged again by Vivek. The thing is to answer 50 questions about myself. The details which are going to be divulged are strictly confidential. *drum rolls please*

1. Were you named after anyone?

As for my official name, I was named after my grandfather. My nickname stuck because “it seems” I resembled Lord Krishna on Gokul Santol’s (it’s a talcum powder) case pack. Hence the name.

2. Do you wish on stars? Noooo..

3. When did you last cry?
I last cried in the month of Oct ’03 when I couldn’t attend my grandmother’s funeral. Ended up screwing up most of the exams in the first semester and since then the trend continues. Apart from this incident, I have not cried much. Of course, being an optimist helps :D

4. Do you like your handwriting?
Like?? I love my handwriting. I know I should not be bragging, but my handwriting is usually quite neat. In fact my 5th grade Math teacher commented that she was tempted to give extra marks for my neat handwriting, but I had already scored centum. Geeky days!!

5. What is your favourite meat?
I was, am and will be a veggie.. Say no to meat. :D

6. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf?
I hardly have any CDs in my shelf. They’re strewn all over my room. I can answer this question once I am done cleaning my room. But as far as I remember, I think I had this corrupted Windows XP installation CD.

7. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you?
Obviously YES!! I’d be best friends with myself.

8. Are you a daredevil?
Is touching one’s nose with his tongue qualify being daredevil? :-??

9. How do you release anger?

I don’t get angry. I just get upset or depressed. If I do get angry (which is once in a blue moon), I piss others off; although please note that the converse is not true.

10. Where is your second home?
My Hostel!! I love it.. :D

11. Do you trust others easily?
Fortunately or unfortunately, yes I do trust people quite easily.

12. What was your favourite toy(s) as a child?
Do Lego blocks come under the toys category? Had a gun which made funny sounds, but apart from these I hardly played with toys. I had (or maybe still have) my Hot Wheels collection. They were/are awesome!! *sigh*

13. What class in school/college do you think is totally useless?
Sorry Mr RB, but its gotta be philosophy. I can talk better on philosophy!!

14. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Is that supposed to be sarcastic? *raised eyebrow* Hell yeah!!

15. Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
I never knew the meaning of mosh pit. But now that I know, the answer is a definite “NO”.

16. What do you look for in a girl?
Humour, Wit, Chatterbox, intelligent etc.

17. Would you bungee jump? Yes..

18. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
The last time I wore shoes was about 2 months back when I went to play cricket. You see, my feet are claustrophobic. Just can’t help it. [-( But I prefer not to untie the laces.

19. What's your favourite ice cream?
Butterscotch, and chocolate with almonds.

20. What are your favourite colours?
Blue, green and black

21. What are your least favourite things?
Lizards invading my privacy, bitter medicines and mosquitoes!

22. How many people do you have a crush on right now?
I have lost count. Prominent ones being Illeana and Elisha Cuthbert..

23. Who do you miss most right now?
My family.. esp my sister. :(

24. What are you listening to right now?
Hoobastank’s Reason and George Michael's Careless whisper

25. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
Grass green or blue

26. What is the weather like right now?
Surprisingly pleasant! What am I doing here! I should be out there..

27. Last person you talked to on the phone? Mommaa.. :(

28. The "first" thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Voice, eyes, hair, smile.. too many things.

29. Do you like the person who sent you this?
Yupsa.. But don’t know for how long..

30. How are you today?
I feel good! Tadadada.. I feel so good now.. :D

31. Favourite non alcoholic drink?
Maaza, Slice or banana milk shake.

32. Favourite alcoholic drink?
I might sound drunk, but I prefer to stay away from alcohol.

33. Natural hair colour?Bilackk

34. Eye colour? Bilackk again!

35. Wear contacts?
Lemme get myself a pair of spectacles first!

36. Siblings?
A younger sister, whom I miss a lottt.

37. Favourite month? July!

38. Favourite food?
Home made food.. Aur mere haath ka banaya hua Maggi :D

39. Favourite day of the year? Friday

40. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out?
Lemme find that “someone” Then I’ll answer this question.

41. Scary movies or happy endings?
Neither. I like thoughtful endings, the ones which make you think.. which are inconclusive.. which make you take sides. And the endless hours of debate that follow!! Awesome!

42. Summer or winter? Spring or Summer!

43. Holi or Diwali? Diwali!

44. Do you like your name?
Its just too long. In fact I’m planning on changing it to something like Gokulochowsky.

45. What book/magazine are you reading?
Edward de Bono’s “How to be more interesting?” and the Feb issue of Management Compass.

46. What's on your mouse pad?

Acer has the range.

47. What did you watch on TV last night?
I did not watch TV. The last thing I watched on TV was Sarabhai vs Sarabhai on Thursday.

48. Favourite Smell?
The smell of wet mud after the first showers is refreshing and ofcourse how could one forget the smell of petrol.

49. Have you ever regretted breaking up with someone?
I was always and am STILL single, ladies! :D

50. Most tiresome thing you’ve ever experienced/done?
Recently I watched a telugu movie called Vijayendra Verma and it ranks right up there with the compilers final exam. The movie deserves a separate post and hence I won’t reveal any more details.

I'd like to tag
1. Abbulu (Dont bring crypt dude into the tag ;) )
2. Cheesy (Blog for heavens sake!!)
3. IV (Dont study too much for da exams..)
4. Sam (one more tag for ya)
5. LOAT (Do the tag IN TIME)
6. Trinity Teal (A tag on behalf of geekio and me.. :D)
7. Affy (please dont make it too funny ;) )

And the Quote of the day is:

An optimist may see a light where there is none, but why must the pessimist always run to blow it out?
René Descartes

PS1: Operation Spic-n-span was launched at 17:00 hours today. And is expected to continue until the wee hours of the morning.
PS2: India has equalled the world record for the most consecutive successful chases. Exams have started for most of us, but not for me.. not yet.
PS3: I'm going for the movie "V for Vendetta" tomorrow morning. Am really looking forward to the movie.
PS4: The farewell was not quite upto the expectations. And I guess we have none but ourselves to blame.