10 tips to become a highly successful villain..

I remember the Saturday nights when I used to stay up and watch Mr.India. But somehow I was never a die-hard fan of the lead hero. Call me pathetic, villainous or sadistic, I always liked Mogambo much more. When my whole family would be hoping for Anil Kapoor to escape his clutches, I’d be secretly rooting for him.

When my friends would be discussing as to what they would do if they were to become Mr. India. I’d be thinking on similar lines, only that I dreamt of becoming a Mogambo. And so moving on to the main objective of this post, presenting to you, first of a kind, THIS is a guide to becoming a more nefarious mogambo. These points are discussed in further detail in the book.

10 Effective Habits of Highly Effective villains

• Despite its proven stress-relieving effect (thanks to Dr. J.Asthana) I shall not indulge in highly monotonous, maniacal laughter.

• If the beautiful heroine that I capture says, "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!" I will say "Oh well" and kill her. :|

• I will hire Manish Malhotra or Roberto Cavalli to create original uniforms for my evil army. I don’t want them looking like the Nazi army, Roman foot soldiers or our college dance troupe :P *ducks* I myself would dress in smart clothes unlike Dr.Evil or Gabbar Singh. And no, I’d not shave my hair off.

• My evil army will be trained in basic marksmanship. I still fail to understand how 30 odd henchmen can manage to not get a single hit on the hero. Which is why, anyone who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice. >:)

• I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable super-weapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve. And if I happen to go into a face-to-face battle with the hero, I’ll not stop my henchmen from coming to my aid. Better still I’d take a gun from one of them and kill him.

• When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, parrot, elephant or whatever sickeningly cute little (or big) animal capable of untying ropes and filching key which happens to follow him around.

• I will design my fortress hallways such that there are no protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in the climax firefight.

• I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets or hydrogen sulphide gas (Isn’t it the one with the rotten egg smell? I was always weak in Chemistry practicals) on anyone stupid enough to disregard the warning.

• It is vitally important that your evil army has no moral status whatsoever. Test this by running over a small furry animal in front of them. If they react, they're out. If faced with a tough dilemma, the army may have the audacity to help the under-dog or save the kid. This is clearly unacceptable.

• Finally, if I do manage to take over the world.. ok world seems way too far-fetched, I’d keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, by regularly broadcasting golden moments of Indian cricket which would include the India-Australia matches played at Sharjah and all the Indo-Pak world cup matches. :D I could also better it by providing each of them with free unlimited Internet access, talks for which are going on. :P

Now that we are done, let us look at some of the encouraging reviews that my book has received from the leading newspapers and magazines..

This book gives you the perfect foolproof plan for your son to become the most feared and loathed villain of all time. A must read for all the Gabbar singh wannabes.

-The Guardian

The book is very entertaining and thought-provoking. We recommend it with our eyes closed. Mogambo.. zaroor khush hoga!!

-Stardust

So what are you waiting for? First 500 orders win early bird prizes which include special Dr.Evil headgear, limited editions of Mogambo’s “Mogambo.. khush hua” and Gabbar Singh’s “Tera kya hoga, Kaliya?” T shirts. Hurry!!


And today's Quote for the day is..

Of all the ways of defining man, the worst is the one which makes him out to be a rational animal.

Anatole France

PS1: Cultural camp starts tomorrow. Hope to get that elusive extra-curricular credit. Dhoni is ranked number 1 in ICC ODI ratings. Hope to complete the term paper and the MR project soon.
PS2: Our CL batch has changed. So now we have 4 NIFT girls, (3 of them look attractive) attending the class with us. There was this question where we had to calculate the mean of some numbers which ranged from 16 and 18, and one of the girls suddenly screamed 34 as the answer. I neva knew girls could be so dumb. [-(
PS3: As a result of my continuous boredom, I have been formulating strategies for CS & cricket. Apart from these, I am thinking on some human psychology and philosophies. I must really be jobless.. :( But at least that is better than JUST sleeping.. ;)
PS4: Post is highly haphazard. Guess I am just way too tired to be blogging right now.. :(
PS5: Got aB in Bio-informatics. Reasonably satisfied. Created a johari window for myself. All of you are welcome to give their valuable inputs. :D Just make sure, your entries are not made anonymously. ;)
*Updated on 25th April*