Hyderabad's roads to heaven

This post is dedicated to the traffic-savvy junta of Hyderabad.

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My first impression about Hyderabad? Excellent airport.. landed straight from Chennai almost 5 years back and I was impressed by the cleanliness of the city. But then things were not so rosy as they seemed to be.

First day on the roads of Hyderabad, I was shocked when I first saw a school auto with lots of heads sprouting out of the autos. The water bottles and school bags were jutting out from the sides of the auto. It was cramped with school children, some standing some sitting. Ever heard of foot boarding on an auto. *shudders* 10 children were fit in an auto, (It was the height of flexibility, I must say) which was running at the break-neck speed of a bullock-cart. And believe me, these children when given the right kind of coaching can become Nadia Comanecis, represent India in the gymnastics and bring laurels to the country. Moving on lets take a look at some of the famous modes of transport in Hyd.

Autos or the 3-wheelers:

I'm sure all the auto-wallahs are relatives of Bond.. James Bond. They can become the finest stunt men in the Indian film industry, if not Hollywood. I myself have experienced some real close shaves. They tread on the fine line between life and death. One ride in any of these autos and suddenly the phrase “Living on the EDGE!!” will start making sense to you.

And their motto is: Licensed to irritate!! Most of them have this kick-ass sound system and with bass volume at the highest, they keep all kinds of item numbers. Songs like Aashiq banaya aapne are played over and over and over until you get tired listening to them and ask him to switch it off.
Then he asks, “Kya boss.. tumhare ko gaane pasand nahi hai kya??” which when translated comes to “Boss, don’t you like songs?”
Me replies *raised eyebrow* “Hau..” means yes in Hyderabadi lingo.

And they can take you for rides.*pun intended* So take this another situation. The meter shows the fare as 26. AA here is auto anna.
AA: Anna, 26 ko round karke 30 de do. (Since the fare is 26, round it to 30 rupees.) *Now that’s some Math I forgot to learn in my school.*
Me: *shocked beyond wits* kya?? 26 ko round karke 30?? Kis khushi mein? (Why?)
AA: Kya anna.. Khairatabad mein rehte ho.. kaiku itna kanjoosgiri karte.. tum jaise pade likhen logaan bhi aise kare toh duniya barbaad ho jayengaa (You live in Khairatbad. Why are you such a miser? If well-educated people like you behave like this, then the end of the world is not far) *He thinks he’s Nostradamus*
Me: Mere pass chabbis rupey ka change hai.. rakhlo.. phukat mein bheja kaiku pakathe?? (I have exact 26 rupees. So take it and keep moving.)*walks away from the scene*
AA: 5 rupey dene ke liye itna bhaav khata hai.. (Roughly translated to: He cant even give a 5 rupee tip)
Me: *pissed off, @$!#%!$^#%@&$&^ but continues walking*

Lets move on, shall we?

Seven Seaters:

Did I mention about the walking death traps.. I mean the running. Yes I’m talking about the very special seven-seaters. It is believed that "Indian Coffins Ltd." a leading coffin manufacturer, tried to save its dipping business by signing a contract with the “concerned authorities” to start the seven-seater services, promising a 10% turnover as commission. And now its a thriving multi-million dollar industry. *This information should be treated strictly confidential*

Excellent maneuvers by these skilled drivers even makes Schumacher turn green with envy, although at the end of each ride, you are left with a dizzy sensation and an urge to puke on your co-passengers. The AP tourism authorities are planning on marketing the seven seaters, and one of the captions that will be used is

“Forget the roller-coaster rides, come ride our seven-seaters and experience the real thrill of life (and maybe death)”

Buses:

And finally the buses are the nucleus of the Hyderabad Transport. And the drivers are of the I-dont-give-a-damn type. They drive these buses as if they are parading their newly bought pulsars, driving at top speeds and blowing horns for no reason whatsoever. They wont slow down even near a speed breaker, and what we finally get is a nice bumpy ride. I pity the guys who do footboarding. And some of the bus conductors are such cunning creatures, that it may take me hours together to narrate their exploits. Some things are better left unsaid. ahem.

Conclusion:

I had always maintained that the Hyderabadis had a better traffic sense than the Chennaities or the Mumbaities (The Delhites do not deserve a mention here. Believe me!) But when I sat down to write this post, words just flowed like Captain Cook Namak... free flowing namak. Remember the ad?? So what is the final mandate? Think Hyderabad is still not as bad as I have described here. These are just isolated incidents, I have not generalized anything here.. err, in fact I have.. but then Dil pe mat le yaar.. so to all fellow hyderabadis.. keep your Hyderabadi paws off me.. :D Well as far as the roads are concerned, will keep that topic for some other day ;) And the quote of the day is:

An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a
very narrow field.

--Niels Bohr

P.S: Reason for my absence from the blogging circuit?? Ran out of ideas.. was fed up of blogging bout day-to-day events.. which in one word is B-O-R-I-N-G. Thanks Affy for the idea. He asked me to write about Hyderabad. Any new ideas from you guys are also welcome.. :)