Friday, January 06, 2006

Mera apna humanoid

hu·man·oid
Pronunciation: 'hyü-m&-"noid, 'yü-
n. having human form or characteristics

Him: Excuse me sir, are you the optimist?
Me: Well, yes! I’m sorry, but do I know you?
Him: Greetings Master! I am Spawn 4.3 from 2016.
Me: What? I think you’ve got the wrong person. I don’t treat insanity coz I myself am suffering from it and no amount of optimism can save you from it. Also I'm an engineer, not a psychiatrist. *As if me being a psychiatrist would help*
Him: Master I come from the future. I am a humanoid built by you in 2016. I have been sent to 2006 to save humanity.
Me: *irritated*You think you are Arnold or something? And what’s with the master crap. Just cut it out.
Him: I was told that you won’t believe me. Take a look at this. *projects a holographic image*
Me: Whoa! What is that? Who is that? Is that.. is that.. *tries to delay the inevitable*
Him: Yes master. Its you. You look better with a clean shaven head. What do you think?
Me: Ewwwwwwww.. *pauses and thinks*Do you mean to tell me that you are from the future?
Him: Yes Master, 2016 to be precise. And all your near and dear ones are hale and hearty.
Me: Nice. 2016.. 10 years from now! *excited* BTW Spawn, am I married?
Him: Yes, master. And you have one son.
Me: Cool!! I have always wanted to have a son. *grins* Do I still blog? :-s
Him: Yes, master. For the next few days, Master asked you not to eat any junk food and take adequate water to keep the exponential growth of pimples under check. He says that if you don’t heed his advice, soon one could play “connect the dots” on your face.
Me: *angry* What?? Ok :( What else did I say?
Him: Master asked you not to attend the next SE class coz you would doze off in the class and your lecturer would catch you sleeping. And if he does, tell him that you have fever. He would not bother you.
Me: Hmm.. Thanks a lot. But that is a silly excuse. I would rather not attend the class. By the way you were talking about saving humanity. What was that all about?
Him: Master, the biggest threat to mankind in 2016 is..
Me: Terrorism, right?
Him: No master. Its Ekta Kapoor. She has started Kkekta TV, a 24-hour soap channel. As a result of which, the mankind is facing lots of difficulties. And that includes you. Your mother-in-law is an Ekta addict!! Hence I have been sent here with a mission: To prevent her from launching the channel.
Me: What?? Damn!! I thought Ekta was going down the drain what with the advent of reality shows and the recent slump in Kyunki.
Him: Master, you are mistaken. Everytime there was a slump in the ratings, Ekta registered a 20-year jump. Last heard, Tulsi was no more and now and then she gives a guest appearance as a spirit. It is reigning supreme at the TRP ratings.
Me: What?? A spirit?? *shakes head* Kabh sudharegi yeh Indian public..
Him: Master, Kkekta has become a global channel. A recent survey showed that 40% of the worlds population liked her serials. In fact France is going to make Hindi its official language this Monday.
Me: *shell-shocked*
Him: Now she’s a global celebrity. Last heard, Kkekta Channel was going to takeover STAR network. Also rumors say that she has signed Arnold to do her next teleserial “Kyunkii terminator bhi kkabhi governor tha”. Added to that, the Oscars have introduced..
Me: STOP IT!! I can’t take it anymore. Dont you have anything good to tell me? What’s with the world? Don’t they see the impending destruction? *regains composure* So how do you intend to stop her? Ouch.. don’t pinch me!

Suddenly I wake up to find myself in the SE class.

Freak: Dude, wake up, Sir has been watching you for quite some time.
Sir: That lean guy.. in blue T-shirt. Yes, you.
Me: Sir, me??
Sir: Yes!! You are the only lean guy. *class laughs while I shift weights from one leg to other uneasily* Yes.. silence. Why are you sleeping? Let me guess. You had been playing games till midnight yesterday, right?
Me: *cuts a sorry figure* Sir I have not been feeling well. I have been down with cold and fever for the past 2 days. *coughs and sniffs simultaneously*
Sir: *anger replaced by sympathy* Ooh.. you do look ill. Ok sit down. Try listening to the class. And also make it a point to visit the doctor before it gets more serious.
Freak: LOL! Dude, when did ya sleep last night?
Me: *sniggers* 4:00 in the morning. *goes back to sleep shamelessly*

Now was that a dream? Or was it some kind of apparition? I should have asked him about the result of the India-Pakistan series. DAMN!!

Quote of the day:
I don’t suffer from insanity.. I enjoy every moment of it.

P.S: Happy New Year to one and all.

Labels:

27 Comments:

Blogger Gulam Hasan said...

LOL gr8 post man n u were talkin abt quiting????
neways happy new year to u too have a gr8 yr ahead
keep blojjin
P.S : moi the first one to comment yeahh

3:35 AM  
Blogger Divya.B said...

Wow..Gokul..a good one...laughed out loud.....
Keep posting..

4:16 AM  
Blogger Łóòň Ġãĺ said...

LMAO!!

U crack me up!!

Dude! I got SE exam today ... lol and i was studying till 4.00 am yesterday ... imma doze off during the exam!!

Why didja hafta talk abt poor Arnold?? :( @ terminator,governor

hahahaa ... lol the first question u asked if u're married ... loll

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA ... connect the dots ... i dinnow the problem was so severe ... sheesh ... hahahaa ... no wonder u were so jealous of my pimple less skin ... (*touches wood*) lol

Ekta and her 20 yr jumps ...

btw ... may i ask u something ... u kno a hell lot abt these serials ... can i deduce that u been watching them regularly? eh eh?

Tulsi a spirit ... hahahaa

France...hindi as it's official language ... kuchh zyaada ho gaya ab .. lol

ROFL @ lean guy ... yesh yesh!

o damn! yea u shud have asked the result of the series!!!!!!!!!


nice quote ... hehe

you win!u can actually blog about n-o-t-h-i-n-g

4:22 AM  
Blogger The optimist from utopia said...

@affy:
And the first prize goes to... Affy!!
Affy you get a gold medal!
*National Anthem played in background*

You know bout the saying right? The optimist has more mood swings than pregnant women.. So just decided to call it quits in the heat of da moment.
Thanx and same to ya :)

5:23 AM  
Blogger Trinity Teal™ said...

hey funny post! and yes .. if kkekta TV becomes a reality .. the remainin handful of sane ppl will become homicidal and mix arsenic in teh water supply !!! :P

7:37 AM  
Blogger The optimist from utopia said...

@divs:
Thanks.

@Grunge Gestapo:
yen maa peru maathuringa.. oru second kku onnum puriyale. Hi TT..
Ya I know.. and quite a few insane also will join the bandwagon.. including me of course.

8:06 AM  
Blogger Jaya said...

Ohh..and U mister, aint quitting now..or in 2016.. and maybe THEN u wont be the leanest guy in class..or maybe not even a guy in class..nnyway..LOLL at ur post..jud one:D
and yes..i fgot ur fav line..Happy New Year:P

8:17 AM  
Blogger The optimist from utopia said...

@cheesy:
4:00 am?? You are a geek of the nth order. I sometimes do doze off during the exam, but then that was because I was bored. Dint know what to write and was fed up of staring through the window.

Poor Arnold?? I hate him.. coz he is got more muscles than me :( :P

I had little hope of finding a woman who is so desperate so as to marry me. But now.. now I need not worry :D

It aint severe.. just my habit of fabrication to blow things out of proportion to make them sound humorous. Also I had no pimples when I was 18. But once I turned 19.. :(

Courtesy my mumbai cousins who had come over to hyd for vacations and refused to hand me voer the remote from 20:00 to 22:30 hours. Those were the days spent in concentration camp.. or shud I say nights.

Haan kuch zyada ho gaya.. France was better off with Punjabi :P

Yes, I shud hav asked.. Maybe I will hafta sleep again in the SE class.. will tell ya once I meet Spawn again.

*Hands over mouth in miss india ishtyle.. tears in eyes* I would like to thank all my blog friends, blogger.com and last but not the least, cheesy for having conceded the award for blogging bout nothing. Thanku thanku *takes a bow*

9:01 AM  
Blogger Vivek said...

dude..
bak wit a bang !!! :)
keep it up machcha..n do temme wat ur humaniod tells abt the Indo-Pak series da..keepin ma fingers crossed ;)

11:05 AM  
Blogger Sameera said...

orey
im not able 2 bardaasthfy ur talent anymore..

damn and the humanoid said ull be bloggin foreva wich means i pretty much can close shop :-((

hehe jus kidding i am mega jealous but happy for u nevertheless..

looks after meeting me,ur sense of humor has increased manifold :p

awesome post..loved every bit of it..
keep entertainig us spawny

12:43 PM  
Blogger Aran said...

How about Indian Idol and all those thousands of game shows? Will the mania ever die?

How about Anu Malik. Will he ever die?

12:49 AM  
Blogger The optimist from utopia said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2:13 AM  
Blogger The optimist from utopia said...

@J:
I wont be lean then. Thats for sure, coz I wud be married by then and I'm sure my wife wud be a gr8 cook.. ;)

You-know-what is no longer my fav line coz I have been receiving quite a few stares from people when I wish them more than once. They think.. *takes a deep breath* that I am insane. So I am gonna stop telling you-know-what from now onwards.

2:14 AM  
Blogger The optimist from utopia said...

@rebel and ARAN:
Well, I myself am waiting for my next SE class with fingers crossed.. which will be on Tuesday. So hope to meet Spawn and clear all my doubts.
Also I dont mind any TV shows as long as they dont start with 'K' :P And Anu Malik never listens to his own music which is why his lifespan must be quite long. Lekin uska number bhi aayega

2:18 AM  
Blogger The optimist from utopia said...

@sam:
Am I that bad? :-s

Hey the humanoid said I'll grow bald.. Now thats not gonna happen, will it? And why are we fighting over "the worst blogger" title again?

**looks after meeting me,ur sense of humor has increased manifold :p
And I used to think u were humble.. *sigh* These are the side-effects of talking to the optimist.

Dhanks maa.. will try my besht.

2:26 AM  
Blogger Łóòň Ġãĺ said...

Gokulllllllllll!

No .. when u don't study the whole day ... and suddenly when hitting the bed at arnd 12 .. u realise that u have an exam the next day ... therez no choice left but study the whole night ... and sleep when u're in the train ... and then when it's ur station ... u nearly miss it .. and then obstruct the doors ... delay the train ... and make a clown out of urself!

LOLLLLL more muscles than you. No Comments. :-|

[psst... even i got more muscles than you ;) ;)]

wow .. am waiting now ... waiting to meet my future hubby in my dreams ... so tht i can stay care free for atleast some years!

Thanks to you ... i suddenly noticed 3 tiny red lumps on my face this morning ... and believe me they are not tiny anymore!!!

lol yeah yeah @ France was better off with Punjabi :P

Btw ... herez something for u to read ... i picked it up from a blog:

Click here

SE??? Waad the frig is SE???? Can't remember nething! :-S

*Coughz* *Coughz* @ The last para of your comment!! lol good one!

7:07 AM  
Blogger The optimist from utopia said...

@Cheesy:
Who is this clown friend of yours? :P Ask him/her to start preparation much before 24:00.. like 23:30. When will you people learn time management. [-(

First you tell "No comments" and then you told the world ur secret.. dayuummm.. Ok now that you have mentioned it sooo explicitly, I cant hide anything. *in a loud voice*SHE is the muscular blogger from the dark jungles of Amazon, I was talking about the other day people.

haha LOL. Once u find him please do tell me. I would like to meet him in person and give him the "Bakra of da century" award. ;))

tsk tsk.. sooo sad.
*thanks god for answering his prayers >:)* tsk tsk.

hmmm Hindi in America.. its like ingliss in Bihar.. or maybe better.

last para == figment of my imagination as a result of long periods of idleness.

12:59 AM  
Blogger Łóòň Ġãĺ said...

Gokul ...

I was talking abt myself there!!

Grrrrrrrrrrrr dark jungles of Amazon!! *fumes*
The secret was told only within the brackets!

Same to you ... even ur wud be wife gets 'bakri of the millenium' award ... ok i know t'was too kiddish .. lol


lol ingliss in Bihar ...

3:37 AM  
Blogger The optimist from utopia said...

omg!! I never knew it.. :P Guess u overlooked the smiley in my prev comment ;))

my apologies for forgetting da brackets.. :( here you go.. two of the most perfect brackets esp. designed for ya.. "(" and ")".. Dont they look perfect for ur secrets.

not bakri.. dodos sound much better.. whaddya think?

11:13 AM  
Blogger Keshi said...

**I don’t suffer from insanity.. I enjoy every moment of it.


lol loved that quote!


Happy New Year to u mate!

Keshi.

7:58 PM  
Blogger The optimist from utopia said...

@Keshi:
Hi! Ya HPN to you too!

4:57 AM  
Blogger Lord of all Things said...

hehe!! hilarious!
wish my writes blok goes... waahh!! some one unplug the drain!!!!

3:14 AM  
Blogger The optimist from utopia said...

@LOAT:
Thenk yew..
*unplugs the drain*
There you go..

4:27 AM  
Anonymous Ektz said...

my thoughts as well.. when you say it..

I do not suffer from insanity, i enjoy every moment of it!:D


Good one. Ektz.

9:26 AM  
Blogger The optimist from utopia said...

@ektz:
Hi n welcome to ma blog..

Lotsa people seem to like the quote as if I am echoing their thoughts.. Guess everyone is insane in his own, "special" way.. :D

1:17 AM  
Blogger Łóòň Ġãĺ said...

*Screams her lungs out*

--U-P-D-A-T-E--

Where art thou???

4:52 AM  
Blogger The optimist from utopia said...

@Cheesy:
Baalike.. hum prasanna hue.. tumhaari cheek se.. (cheek as in scream :P )
"blog-update-prapthihastu"
Ho gaya update.. hum toh apne hi nashe mein doobe hue hain.. nasha matlab madira nahi.. kaam ke nashe mein doobe hue the.

1:44 PM  

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